I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
