ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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