it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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