She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize