how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
