Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
