one might say we're banned from that church
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
