It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
