shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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