how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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