Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
