I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
