Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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