At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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