So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
