me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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