did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
