I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
