Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
