Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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