We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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