Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
