I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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