When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize