he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize