there's paper in my vomit.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize