...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
