I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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