Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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