I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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