i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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