9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
