just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
