There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
