High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am available for nakedness
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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