I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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