I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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