i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
