i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
