I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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