I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
