shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
