I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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