so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
