How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize