I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
