I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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