So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
