No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
