I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize