if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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