What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
