I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
