I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
