New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
