in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
