Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
the raccoons are back...
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