Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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