Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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