I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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