just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
