dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
