just survived the first fart of the relationship.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
