I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
