If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize