There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
