At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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