I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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