To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
