You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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