Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
