yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
