I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
vagina is talking i cant
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
