so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The ass gains better be worth it
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