Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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