remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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