I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
