so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
