I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize