i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
